I turn 25 on June 3rd. WOOT! Hehehe...yes, I'm hinting! LOL


is my kid sister and I know I'm biased, but I find her photography PHENOMENAL! I strongly suggest you look over her work. She's been featured in news articles on DA and in several people's journals. Just take a look, since that won't hurt. Critique her work, since she really appreciates it.
This piece has been featured in a news article and she's very proud of it.
This is a very cute picture. Great shot! I love it! Seriously, how often do you see shots like this?
And here she is, the artist herself. Great self portrait. I love the muted colors, and the fact it looks like something you might only see in an anime. LOL


just happened to stop by my gallery. I saw they had visited. So I stopped by their gallery and was BLOWN AWAY!!!
The detailing on this piece...the lines, WOW!!! I'm totally blown away by this! It's so simply but so beautiful!
I love how bold the lines are. She draws horses so beautifully. Oh, such amazing work! The horse looks so alive and gentle...and I feel as if I could reach out and touch it.
There was simply no way I could pass this up. LOL


is one of my favorite photographers here on devart and I felt it was hightime I featured her here.
I have this weird love for socks. This shot, so simple, is so very beautiful. The contrast between the socks and the grass...the way it's all laid out. BEAUTIFUL!
The composition and colors are what really caught my eye. Everytime I look at this piece I feel so very very calm. I want a print of this in my studio. Right by my desk so I see it everytime I look up.
I don't know what it is, but I want to cry when I see this piece. I feel so sad. It's very hard for a piece to do this to me. It's such a lovely moment that I must share this.


another one of my favorite artists here. I wanted to share my love of this artist with everyone else so they may see why.
I love the interpretation of how they take these well known creatures of the sea and make humanoid sea creatures from them. No longer just a fin with a human top, but the whole shebang. Props for this!
The line work and colors...phenomenal. I want a print! Oh, I love the way this piece is so very very very alive!
I love the movement in this piece. The linework takes my breath away. Oh, what I wouldn't give to see one of my characters drawn by this artist...~goes and finds a corner to cry because she's too poor~

WARNING!!!!!!!You can kiss my reflective white ass if you dont' like what I have to say. This my fucking journal. I will rant, curse, and say whatever I damn well want to. If you don't like this fact, go read a newspaper. They have editors. If you don't like my journal, go away!

Last Thursday evening I crashed.

I had a mental breakdown and literally lost my mind.

In the course of five hours I took two doses of NyQuil, one and half doses of DayQuil, Tylenol Extra Strength Cold and Sinus, Sine Out, twice the dose of Clariten, and drank quite a bit of alcohol.

Why did I do this?

Three weeks before this happened I saw my rapist in the Olde Market. He looked right at and bolted. I froze and later freaked out. I had already been dealing with nightmares, flashbacks, and severe anxiety issues. I have a very low stress/anxiety thresh hold. After seeing him (I was raped six years ago and never reported it. Want to know why? Ask me.) I had flashbacks and nightmares every night. Then during the day. Then I tried to not sleep. I would take cat naps, stay up till sunrise, and became a total wreck. I snapped at people, freaked out over stupid shit, and slowly but surely spiraled down into the doom of fear.

So I tried to kill myself.

After realizing what I had done, I called 911 at 3am on Thursday night/Friday morning. I was in the ER for 13 hours before being transfered to a bed in the hospital.

I shared a room with a 90+ year old woman who kept tearing her needles out, punching the nurses, and didn't weigh more than my pinky. She was very entertaining. When she slept she sang lullabies. I think she was at the end stages of Alzheimer's disease (spelling?).

After this I was transfered to the Adult Crisis Unit (ACU) and spent a few days there. I was then diagnosed as Bipolar Type 2.

The psychiatrist explained to me that this disorder is very difficult to diagnose because the symptoms overlap other diseases and it mimics a couple disorders. He was a specialist and recognized it for what it is. I was put on clonidine (.05 mg twice a day) and my Lamictal (I take it for my seizures but it's also a bipolar medication) was increased to 25 mg three times a day. Also, I was told to take Omega-3 with every meal (three times a day) because it's a mood regulator. They also want me to take a multivitamin but I can't afford it so I eat Total cereal.

Damn, I feel a lot better.

For the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE I am relaxed. I am not nearly as anxious or spasmadic a I used to me. I've slept through the night twice in the last four days. That's a serious achievement. And feeling this relaxed has me freaked out...kinda. It's a new sensation. I didn't take my medicine yesterday because I didn't have any. The difference in that one day was phenomenal. I was totally and completely blown away. I got my clonidine at Walmart for $4 USD. INSANE!!! Made me very happy.

The shrink said he's 99% sure I've been bipolar type 2 my entire life. My mom is pretty sure too. My aunt is bipolar but we didn't know that until she had a divebomb breakdown a couple years ago. Looking back I can confidently say I am bipolar and probably always have been.

When they told me this, I was seriously pissed and didn't want to believe them. I have epilepsy, extremely bad allergies, and PTSD (and a few other things...but they're minor, like my psoriasis) and I really didn't want to add another problem to the pile. After I was put on my meds...I noticed such a huge difference and felt...balanced. I then looked at the situation with a clear head and accepted the fact that it's simply a diagnosis for a problem I've always had.

The doctors at the ACU also came to conclusion that it would be extremely unwise for me to work. If I were to work it'd have to be a very very very specific job. My stress thresh hold is insanely low. I have to see a therapist every week, perhaps twice a week. I do not deal with people very well at all (I don't play well with others). So the jobs that I could handle, kinda, are going to have to be quiet, isolated, little human contact, little stress. Like shelving books at a library or something to that extent. The likelihood of finding such a job is I think...one in a million.

After I was released from the hospital I contacted my attorney. She took down all the notes and names. Then she wrote a letter to the people making the decision on my disability claim and told me my chances of being approved went up tremendously. ~sighs with such relief she knocks the monitor over~

Also, I was approved for 100% financial assistance from the Nebraska Medical Center for everything but the physicians. That's several thousand dollars forgiven. It also forgives all my previous bills except for those sent to collections. Of those I have to pay $25/month minimum and the bill is for a total of just over $360. IMHO that's not bad compared to what I had to pay before. I applied for financial assistance for aid paying the physician bills and was approved for 60%, meaning I pay only 40% of the bill...leaving me with just over $50 in bills from them. Overall, that's AWESOME!!! Plus, I'm applying for financial aid to help cover all that's leftover. WOOT!

The doctors told me I must be seen by a therapist/psychiatrist for at least a year. I will be seeing someone for FREE tomorrow and will be filling out paperwork and stuff. They might even help me pay my utility bills and stuff. I hope they do. We have shutoff notices.

I'll be contacting some charities and other groups to help pay for those bills. They'll be paying, from what I'm told, just the amount the shutoff notice is asking for and I just have to pay the rest. Not bad. Not bad at all. They'll even help cover rent. Yay!

Thursday my sister will be coming over to hang out and bring me some stuff. She got me a medicine thingy that has compartments for each day and four different times a day...with a total of 28 compartments on it. Yay! And she's also bringing me a LOAD of magazines. I'm cutting out all the eyes for my contest entry held by . My goal is to have it finished between this weekend and next wednesday.

I posted lineart up on and colored two of the six pieces I posted up. Here are the pieces I posted up and the interpretations. BTW, feel free to ink and color my lineart. Just make sure you send me a link so I can fav and feature. Also, post a link to me and give credit to me for the lineart.








Thank you everyone for you support and kind words. It's meant a lot to me. I didn't think so many people paid attention to my journal postings or comments. THANK YOU so very very very much! ~hugs everyone~

On a separate note, I turn 25 on June 3rd. I'm so excited! ~squeals~ LOL Can you tell I love birthdays? LOL

Important Links

Me being interviewed for TBTN by WOWT Channel Six news: [link] Please watch this. It'll mean a lot to me.

Also, please check these links out. The first two are read only. The third is a set of videos. Watch them and you'll understand. And for those of you who want to get to know me better, or are simply curious as to why I am the way I am, these links will give you a better understanding.

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My contact info:

naynaymacrame@yahoo.com for business aka art and macrame

chaosfay@yahoo.com for personal emails

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