Sta.sh
My insanity is settling in, paying an unwelcomed visit.
I missed the signs. They were subtle and well hidden.
Couldn't see them for what they are...so many distractions, not enough focus.
No, I had focus.
It wasn't there...not here.
Just somwhere else.
So much noise in my head.
I don't want it there.
But...it's like music and I want to dance to it.
Move this way and that.
Just move, sway, feel it take a hold of me.
No resistance.
Just melt into it...it feels so good.
This insanity was absent for so long.
I didn't even here it whispering.
It tricked me! Coming up like a bad cold.
Misinterpretted as allergies.
When you realize what it really is, it's too late.
The hold is strong.
All you can do is ride it out.
I know I'm not just restless, not stir crazy.
No.
I'm full blown manic...and it feels so good...
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My mania is more violent. I tend to talk a thousand words a minute, can't hold a thought for more than a second, have little focus, and yell a lot. Throw things too when no one pays attention or understands me. Can't sit still, and won't sleep for days at a time. Too much energy.
Now I recognize the signs and do teh opposite of what I want to do. When manic I do little physical activity. When depressed, I leave the apt and go for walks. Keeps me balanced. That and a steady diet of fish (Omega-3 keeps my moods stable) and avoiding other meat (hormones and other stuff put into the animal effects teh quality of the meat, carrying with it the junk. That junk can cause problems, including mood swings and illness). I'm on a seafood/vegetarian diet now.
The "mania" feeling for me isn't violent (which is why I figured it wasn't the same). It does keep me awake at night though with endless circular chattering thoughts and adrenaline racing through my body. If you have an answer to how to go to sleep, I'd love to know! During the day though I usually use it to try and Get Things Done while I have the energy and the optimism, so it's beneficial for me. Usually it's only a few days out of a month though, and the rest is a struggle to find energy and fight despair and rage (which keeps me awake at night too).
I get my seafood at walmart in individually vacuum sealed frozen packages. Usually found in the freezer section near the seafood department. I eat a lot of tilapia which is really low cost. Baking it is teh best way, mixed with veggies and herbs wrapped in tinfoil to cook in it's own juices to it doesn't get dried out.
As for milk, try almond milk. AMAZING! Tastes like almond joy, especially the vanilla and chocolate. Mix a little evaporated milk in there to thicken it up if you need to.
fortunately whatever my brain stuffs, they aren't in the debilitating category. considering that my life itself has been pretty bizarre too, I'm not actually sure any other reaction to it -would- be healthy! It's always good to gather Information though.